


Open Only If You Need Me

by ilikeyoump3



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Fluff, I wrote this in like an hour, Light Angst, M/M, based on day6's song what are you doing now, i borrowed some lyrics, please be kind, they're in love :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 03:34:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17195732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilikeyoump3/pseuds/ilikeyoump3
Summary: No matter who I love, I never love them the way I love you.





	Open Only If You Need Me

Jae stared at the envelope on his desk, the words “only open if you need me” taunting him still, nearly a decade after he had found the letter shoved into his backpack, with his dearest friend nowhere to be found. Jae had been running from this envelope, doing everything he could to forget about its lonely existence shoved in the corner of the lowest drawer of his desk, but no matter what he did, no matter how many people he kissed, how many people he loved, how many people he let go, his heart panged for the hand that wrote those words. Today, Jae needed him.

Jae met Younghyun his second year of high school, and it felt as though he had met his other half. Everything about them complimented each other, down to how their fingers fit together perfectly. Jae had moved into town that year, and he was terrified about finding friends. It’s not that he was bad at making friends, he was just scared of the possibility that no one would like him. Younghyun didn’t like Jae, he really loved him. Younghyun, despite being slightly younger than him, was the stronger of the pair. Jae tended to shy away from conflict, and Younghyun was always there to stick up for him, and fight the good fight, even if that meant Jae had to spend some of his nights doing shoddy first aid on cuts and scrapes. Jae would never admit it, but he loved Younghyun too. 

The last time Jae saw Younghyun was the night after they had graduated. Younghyun had asked Jae to come with him to the ocean, and Jae couldn’t find it in him to say no. They laid on the beach, letting the water lap up at the bottoms of their feet, not really worrying about the sand they’d inevitably have to shake out of their clothes. As long as they were together, it didn’t really matter. Jae can’t remember now the specifics of their conversation, just that it was the last conversation they had. Younghyun drove him home that night, and his hug lingered longer than usual. Jae had just passed it off as Younghyun being emotional after graduating, as he had always been the more sensitive of the two, although he’d never admit it. Jae woke up the next morning to a text that read “I’m sorry, goodbye” and the most tears he had ever shed. Jae found the letter crumpled in his backpack, and he shoved it deep in his desk, but never dared to throw it away. He wanted to tell Younghyun he loved him the night prior, and he had lost his chance. His love was gone. 

Jae tried to contact Younghyun countless times, but to no avail. He was really gone, and he had no way of finding him. Jae put on the bravest face he could muster, and he carried on. He went to college, majoring in business management, and even fell in love a couple of times. Nothing really stuck, because his heart was still tied to the boy he said goodbye to all those summers ago. He brought the letter to college with him. It sat in the back of every desk in every dorm he lived in, keeping his heart tied to Younghyun. He secretly hoped Younghyun’s heart was still tied to his too. There were nights when Jae pondered opening the letter, but every time, he shut his eyes tight and put the letter away. He didn’t need him yet, he wasn’t ready to go back. Jae graduated a semester early, with grades he knew Younghyun would be proud of. He landed a decent job in the big city, working for a large corporation that allowed him to travel. He brought that letter on every business trip. 

Jae’s life, on paper, was going great. He had a steady, sizable income, he had a big apartment in the heart of downtown, he even had gotten engaged. Jae had met her on a business trip, and they immediately hit it off. They dated for two years before Jae proposed. Jae felt his heart slowly begin to heal, and he slowly forgot about the letter collecting dust in the bottom drawer of his desk. They were set to be married that summer, and he had wanted a beach wedding. 

Jae wondered now if fate had some kind of vendetta against him. Jae sat at his desk, the eve before the summer solstice, just mere days before he was set to be married. Her engagement ring sat on the dining room table, and all of her clothes were gone from his closet. He had broken it off with her that morning, as it appears she had taken a liking to his boss. Jae couldn’t help but laugh about it, about how close he had gotten to marrying her. As he laughed, his tears hit his desk, darkening the wood. He needed someone right now, and he racked his brain for a while, until the letter popped into his brain. He clamored through his bottom drawer, moving forgotten about Christmas presents and throwing candy wrappers onto the floor, until he saw it. A dusty, discolored, faded envelope. He held it in his hands, his vision blurring as he read the words “only open if you need me”, and realizing he needed Younghyun now more than ever. Jae had half expected he would tear the envelope to shreds opening it, but his hands opened it slowly and delicately, almost as if the letter would disintegrate in his hands at any sudden movement. His breathing stilled as he pulled the lined paper out of the envelope, and he took a deep breath as he unfolded the paper. Much to his amusement, one of Younghyun’s bass picks fell out of the paper. He ran his finger over the pick, his heart suddenly filling to the brim with the feeling of missing Younghyun. He can still feel the calluses on Younghyun’s hands from him playing, and he can still hear him fussing over a note falling flat even though the song sounded perfect to him. Everything Younghyun did was perfect to Jae. He directed his attention back to the letter, continuing to run his finger over the pick.

_ If you’re reading this, I’m sorry. Knowing you, you waited a long time to read this, waited for something bad to happen. I wish I could be there with you, holding you tightly, I wish I could be there to tell you it’ll be alright. Also, if you’re reading this, it means I’ve gone away. I’ve never been good with goodbyes, and I wish I was better at them, for your sake. I’m going to college overseas. I’m going to major in business management, and hopefully I’ll make it back home someday and see you again. If I can’t see you again, I hope you’re able to find someone that makes you happy, but I hope you never forget me. I hope you never forget the time we spent together. As long as you’re happy, I can be happy too. I should have told you this properly, Jae, but I love you. I loved you from the moment I set eyes on you. I loved the way you awkwardly shuffled into the classroom on your first day, glasses crooked and hair slightly ruffled because of the wind. I loved you when you sat in the empty desk next to me, and I loved you when you asked if you were in the right classroom. I was too scared to tell you, I didn’t want to lose you. I know I’ve lost you by now, and I’m sorry for being so stupid. As the front of the envelope implies, if you’re reading this, you need me. I had to change my number to move overseas, so please, no matter how much time has passed, call me. I’ll always have time for you.  _

Jae didn’t realize how much he had been crying until the number at the bottom of the page began to smudge. He hastily dried his eyes, and frantically blew on the paper to salvage the number as best he could. He could read, and he knows Younghyun said he’d always have time for him. But that was nearly ten years ago. He probably didn’t even love him anymore, had probably gotten married, and had probably completely forgotten about this stupid letter, all about the pick he was still holding. His thumb stilled over the last number, would he be able to take losing Younghyun once and for all? He hesitated for a moment, and he remembered that last night on the beach. He had hesitated then, and missed out on loving Younghyun for the past ten years. It was time to stop hesitating. He dialed the number and held his breath.

“Hello?” God, he still sounded exactly the same. His brain felt like it was short circuiting, that his mouth was stuck shut. “Hello? Is anyone there? I’m going to hang up.”

“No!” He sounded pathetic, his voice was scratchy from holding his breath so long. He probably sounded crazy. “Younghyun, it’s..”

“Jae? Is that you?” Younghyun’s voice cracked, he was probably crying, knowing him. “You read the letter?”

“I.. I did. I needed you.” Jae inhaled deeply, trying to steady his voice. “I’ve missed you a lot, Younghyun.”

“I’ve missed you too, Jae.” Younghyun paused, and took a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry, for everything, I can’t believe I put you through that. I just.. I didn’t want you to hurt for too long, but I haven’t stopped missing you for a minute these past ten years, I’ve loved but I’ve never loved anyone like I l-”

“Like I love you, Younghyun.” With a sudden burst of courage, Jae cuts him off, with no hesitation as he finally reveals how he feels. “I haven’t stopped loving you for a single day, Younghyun. No matter who I love, my heart is still tied to you. I was.. Engaged, Younghyun. We were to be married next week. I broke off the engagement today, which is why I finally read your letter. I’m… I wish I had opened that letter sooner.”

“What are you doing now? Like, where are you? I want to be with you, I don’t want you to be alone, Jae.”

“I’m working in downtown Seoul, I live in the high rise apartments across the street from the Kim Corporation. And.. If you’re planning on coming over here, you really shouldn’t, the weather’s bad, and if you need to fly your flight might get delayed, and I don’t want you to go through that, really. I’ll be okay, Younghyun.”

“Jae, Jae, slow down, I  _ work  _ for the Kim Corporation. I’m.. I’m at work, right now, I’m finishing a project before I head home. I’m coming over right now, I have to see you, what floor are you on?” Younghyun sounds hurried, and coupled with the sound of rustling papers and heavy footsteps, Jae realizes he really means now.

“Younghyun, wait, you don’t have to, really.” The call then cuts out, and Jae lets out a sigh of frustration. Younghyun was never one to take no for an answer, and he was going to find Jae’s apartment whether he liked it or not. Jae rushed to his feet and threw on his coat, leaving his apartment as quickly as he could. His breath hitched as he raced down the hall, realizing he was going to see Younghyun tonight. In a matter of minutes, at that. He nearly stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, and he really thought of hiding under his blankets and ignoring his knocks at the door. But no, Jae was going to be firm tonight, and Jae was going to tell Younghyun just how he felt. He was going to tell him about the anger he felt, the sadness, the loneliness, how he hit rock bottom in college but never read the letter, how he triumphed above his loneliness and managed to succeed, he was going to tell him everything. Jae walked outside, and the cold hit him like a ton of bricks. He should have really worn a scarf. The snow was falling gracefully, the big fluffy flakes shimmering under the streetlights. There was a thick blanket of snow coating the ground, and the moon was showing just enough to make it sparkle. He thought briefly about how beautiful it was, before he looked up to scan the road in front of him. 

Jae swears the world stops when he sees him. All thoughts of what he had planned on telling him are gone, and all his brain can seem to manage to think is “I love you, Kang Younghyun”. The pair stops and stares at each other for a long time, it seems. Soon, the cold bites at Jae’s nose and fingers, almost encouraging him to take the steps forward. The wind blows behind him, its chill pushing his legs forward, and soon he’s sprinting to Younghyun. The wind must have pushed Younghyun as well, because he’s running too. Younghyun’s smile sparkles more brightly than the snow, and Jae can’t help but think about how beautiful he is. All resentment, anger, sadness seems to melt away like snow in April and flowers of love and longing grow in their place as they hug each other tightly, almost as if they’d fade away if they were to let go. They feel at home in each other’s embrace, and stay like this for a long time, it seems. Snow collects on their shoulders in tiny hills, and their hair soon begins to droop from the weight of the snow. 

Younghyun is the first to pull away, but keeps his grip on Jae tight, not risking losing him again. He looks at Jae like he looked at him on his first day back in high school, he looks at Jae like that night they spent on the beach, he looks at Jae like he did on that last drive home, he looks at Jae like he’s the entire world, solar system, galaxy, universe. Tears begin to swell in his eyes, and he mutters out some kind of apology, a rehashing of the ones he similarly blubbered over the phone. Jae reaches up and wipes the tears off of his cheeks, cracking some lame joke about how he doesn’t want him to freeze. They both laugh, and melt into a sense of familiarity, like ten years isn’t that long of a time to spend apart.

Jae looks at Younghyun like he personally blew the stars out of glass made from the sand on that beach, using the warmth of his heart to make them shimmer, and hung them himself. Maybe that’s why Jae couldn’t look at the stars without thinking of him. Jae places his hands on Younghyun’s cheeks, and Younghyun whines about his hands being so cold, and that they’re going to cause him to freeze, and not his tears. Jae laughs, and a couple tears fall from his eyes now too. He realizes now just how much he loves Younghyun.

“Can I kiss you?” There’s a hint of hesitation in Jae’s voice, but Younghyun doesn’t hesitate with his reply. They kiss for the first time underneath a streetlight outside of Jae’s apartment, with snow covering them and their cheeks, noses, and fingers bright red and aching from the cold. Jae recalls the words in Younghyun’s letter, and how he’s found someone who makes him happy, and he hopes Younghyun is happy too.

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this is kinda messy and is just a stream of consciousness really, but it's something i thought of while listening to day6's song "what are you doing now", which is a criminally underrated song btw. give it a listen, do yourself a favor


End file.
